Useful Tips

Romantic relationship with a colleague

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If you meet with a colleague, you will find yourself in a very difficult situation: your personal and professional relationships are constantly intertwined. At work, you need to behave like colleagues, and outside of work - like people who have a romantic relationship. Confused with one another, women endanger both relationships and work. I WANT turned to the "Rules" Ellen Fein and Sherry Schneider - the best female advisers in the field of relations.

In the modern world, people spend so much time at work that sometimes an affair with a colleague seems to be the only possible way to establish personal life. By and large, there is nothing criminal in this. People in love work faster and more productively. There is a fly in the ointment in such relationships: the possibility of dismissal of one of the employees in the event of separation. As a rule, it is a woman who painfully endures the need to work next to her ex and see his new girlfriend. Rules Ellen and Sherry save nerves, learn to control themselves and not make mistakes.

Rule number 1. Understand, do you have an affair or did you just have coffee together?

In offices, many men flirt with girls just like that. A man can tell a joke, throw an ambiguous link on Skype, bring you coffee, make a compliment. There are many ways and tricks that girls perceive as a sign of attention, while for a man it’s not obligatory flirting, an opportunity to distract from work and relax for a moment.

Rule number 2. Just do your job and try to look your best.

If you fell in love with a colleague, but he does not invite you on a date, do not try to attract his attention. In some magazines or women's novels, you can find tips from the series to take water from a cooler near his office, to walk about without a man walking past the table so that he notices you, invite him to dinner under the transparent pretext of "discuss business matters." All this is nonsense, easily noticed by the rest of the concerned team. Do not look for reasons to talk with a man, do not try to attract his attention. He either already noticed you, or never will notice!

Rule number 3. Do not convince yourself that he likes you

Do not look for signs of sympathy in a man’s behavior. If he does not invite you on a date, do not come up with excuses and explanations for him. No workload, weather or mood can prevent a man from spending time with a woman he likes. Likewise, do not think that he would invite you on a date if you worked in different companies or departments. Do not expect common work to bring you closer together. You can be near him for years, like a violet in the shade of a peach tree, and wait for a breakthrough in the relationship to finally happen. But no. No one can guarantee this, and hoping for it is stupid. Do not waste your life waiting.

Rule number 4. At work, think only about work.

If you are meeting with a colleague, do not go to work to see him and spend time with him. Behave so that your feelings do not get out of control. Do only work, think only about work. If he comes to your table to talk, be polite, nice, but after five minutes (even if you are really bored and you want to chat), stop talking. Take papers, refer to urgent matters. If you put things aside to talk with a guy, you will set up other colleagues against yourself and, most unpleasantly, your boyfriend will think that for his sake you are ready to risk your professional reputation. Take care of your merits.

Rule number 5. Be beautiful and well-groomed always

You are not Katya Pushkareva from the series Do Not Be Born Beautiful. And not Lyudmila Prokofievna from “Office Romance”, who needed to fall in love to make a hairstyle and buy a new dress. Do not turn into a workaholic who does not care about his appearance. Do not stay too long in the office so that there is no time left for personal care - washing, manicure, hairstyles. In addition, if you want to look beautiful, get enough sleep. Wear fashionable suits, beautiful elegant shoes, use makeup and perfume to the best of your ability. Take care of your appearance. Take care of your appearance for your own sake. And a little for the sake of the man whom you will soon meet or start dating.

Rule number 6. Don't settle for a last-minute invitation

The fact that you work together should not mean that you are always at hand. If a man as if by chance invites you to have a drink or sit somewhere after work, it’s better not to agree. Say that you want to accept the offer, but today you have other plans. Never accept a last minute invitation. Accepting it, you will act like an ordinary girl. But you want to be extraordinary for him? The man will understand that you can’t plan your leisure time - you still agree on everything. And if he can not plan a date, then will he really plan a relationship or a joint life? In general, your tonight is always busy. And the point. And do not forget to disappear sometimes at lunchtime without warning and explanation. For intrigue and riddle.

Rule number 7. Keep yours in yourself

Do not discuss your heart affairs and adventures in the office. Even if you are asked how the weekend went, do not say where and with whom you went. Answer: "Thank you, good." This is quite enough. Do not give a reason for gossip by word or deed. Men do not like chatty girls. They value stealth. A man is not a trophy or a cup in a race that you can brag about owning. If your relationship ends, let your colleagues not realize that they were. If your relationship is successful, let your colleagues know about it from the man himself.

Alina Sysoeva

Psychologist, coach and trainer. Specialist from the site b17.ru

There was a relationship. Colleagues began to notice all this, and even when there was a lot of work, everyone thought. . this is an excuse (cupids). Then he began to ruffle everyone, why? Simply! And then when I sent him away and told everyone that I hadn’t (he was offended and thought up everything). He muddied with the other and also started to tell everything! Show off, say everything to the smallest detail. Here. .. such a colleague (*****)!

My girlfriend married a colleague. Rather, she was an accountant, and he was their programmer. He was almost the only guy in their whole building
Clearly, there were plenty of single ladies. They terribly envied her friend. She gave birth to a boy and a girl, her husband abruptly went up, everything was like in a fairy tale, but suddenly she fell ill and died
Many of our mutual friends seriously consider that envy ruined her. I have such an example.

It’s better not to start a relationship at work. The only trouble is that if you live home-work-home, then there is simply nowhere else to start them.

I also like a colleague, it was mutual, at first I was filled up with sweets, I was constantly smiling, I helped in everything, and I was afraid to start something with him, since the guys constantly abandoned me, I was a loser in my personal life, so I was afraid that it will be the same with him, and then at work every day to see him is tin. He realized that he wouldn’t ride with me, turned on ignore. Then a new, young girl came and he began to look after her, and I feel so bad It's hard to see. Now I regret that I missed it. Because of his low self-esteem and complexes, that's it.

With such a "mood for victory," you will definitely get some garbage.

You are a smart girl, believe me, no regrets about the failed novel are worse than the already completed one, when either she leaves, and he "survives", or he switches to another. And how do colleagues begin to behave, even the most loyal ones, when your romance ends ((. I did very badly at my ex-work, but I planned to leave there, and then I patted my nerves like no other romance in my life, the most unfortunate ones, I didn’t tremble, and I’m already quite a lot.

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I went through this. And I’ll say that I don’t want anyone to survive this. I met with a work colleague for 1.5 years, everyone knew that we were together (our office is not big), everyone knew that we live together, always came together and left together. And then the time came ***** when we parted. The breakup was very painful, but there were no other options. I’ll tell you that the most painful and offensive is when your beloved person is nearby, and you cannot even say hello to him. Gossip immediately went when they saw that we had stopped communicating, going to dinner together, leaving together, and so disgusted by the fact that behind your back someone wants to find out and find out something. and you pretend that everything is fine and nothing happened.

the author, I agree, it’s hard when life, work, home, work, and really no longer get to know each other, resort novels do not suit, and the fitness group is female, men only catch a glimpse. For the rest, there is simply no time. She also met on the previous work with a man, met for 4 years. But the result was one parted, I had to quit, my nerves turned out to be more expensive, because gossip begins, chuckles behind my back, and bm is already starting to behave unkindly. At the present work, I also like a colleague, even trying to look after, but already experience cools all desire.

Moderator, I draw your attention to the fact that the text contains:

Forum: love

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